How to Make New Friends as an Adult

The short answer

To make new friends as an adult, put yourself in the same place as the same people again and again, and be the one who suggests the next plan. One recurring activity, a few invitations and some patience beat any clever opening line. The rest of this guide is the detail: why it is harder now, how long it really takes, where to look, and what to say.

Why making friends as an adult feels harder

At school and university you saw the same people every day without trying, had free time in common and lived close together. Adult life removes all three. Work, commuting, family and screens fill the gaps, and most people already have a circle that feels full enough. Nothing is wrong with you; the structure that used to make friends for you has gone, so you have to build a small version of it yourself.

You are also far from alone. A 2025 WHO report found that about one in six people worldwide is affected by loneliness, and the US Surgeon General's 2023 advisory found that roughly half of US adults report measurable loneliness. Plenty of the people you meet are hoping someone else makes the first move.

Visit WHO report on social connection (2025) ↗Visit US Surgeon General advisory on loneliness ↗

How long it really takes to make a friend

Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated that it takes around 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends. Hours spent hanging out, joking and doing things together counted much more than hours spent working side by side.

That sounds like a lot, but it is only an evening a week for a few months. It also explains why one great conversation at a party rarely becomes a friendship: the time has to add up, and it adds up fastest through a plan you repeat.

Visit University of Kansas friendship study ↗

Pick one recurring activity

A single event is a lottery ticket. A weekly activity is a savings account. Choose one thing you can repeat for at least six weeks so the same faces keep showing up:

• A sports club, running group or weekly class (climbing, dance, pottery, a language).
• A recurring hangout or meetup group around a hobby: board games, hiking, photography, coding.
• Volunteering on a regular shift, where you work alongside the same people.
• A pub quiz team, choir or book club that meets on a fixed night.

Pick the one you would enjoy even if you made no friends there. Enjoying it is what keeps you going back, and going back is the whole trick.

Visit Meetup ↗

Use group plans before one-on-one

Meeting a stranger one-on-one feels like an interview. Groups take the pressure off: there is always someone else to talk to, the activity fills the silences and nobody has to carry the conversation. On Konnectors you can see group hangouts near you with a time, a place and who is going, join one, or post your own and let people come to you. Women-only and gender-preferred hangouts let you choose who you meet, and travel buddy matching can be switched off completely if you only want group plans.

Apps with people nearby →App to make female friends →

What to say: easy openers that work

You do not need a script, just something to start with. The setting gives you most of it:

• Ask about the activity: "How long have you been coming to this?"
• Ask for a recommendation: "Any good places to eat around here after?"
• Comment on something you share: the weather at the match, the impossible quiz question, the terrible coffee.
• Remember one detail and use it next time: "How did the job interview go?" People notice when you remember.

Then listen more than you talk. Most people leave a conversation liking you more if they did most of the talking. (It is not manipulation; it is just rare.)

Make the second plan happen

Most promising acquaintances die of politeness. Someone says "we should grab a coffee sometime", the other says "definitely", and nobody ever mentions it again. If you clicked with someone, suggest a specific next step before you part: a day, a time and a place. "There is a quiz at the Harbour on Thursday at 8, want to join our team?" is easy to say yes to. On Konnectors you can message the people from a hangout to lock in the next one, or invite them to a plan you post.

Turn acquaintances into friends

Friendships deepen when the time you spend together changes shape. Hall's research found that people who became closer roughly doubled or tripled the time they spent together over a few weeks, and moved from one context to another: colleagues who started having lunch together, team-mates who went for food after the match.

• Switch context: from class to coffee, from the gym to a walk.
• Share a little more each time. Not your life story, just something real.
• Check in between plans with a short message or a meme that made you think of them.
• Introduce people to each other. A small group is easier to keep alive than five separate one-on-ones.

Making friends in your 30s, 40s and beyond

The older you get, the less time you have and the more settled everyone else is, so the method matters more. Lean on structure: a weekly club, a class that runs for a term, a volunteering rota. Parents can use the school gate and children's activities, but should also keep one thing that is just theirs. If most of your friends drifted away when life got busy, reaching out to two of them this week is a fast win; old friendships restart much faster than new ones begin.

Making friends when you work from home

Remote work removes the last place many adults met people. Replace it on purpose: work from the same co-working space or cafe a few days a week, join a lunchtime class or run club, and book one social plan on weekdays so all your socialising is not crammed into the weekend. Co-working events and local hangouts on weekday evenings are full of people in exactly the same situation.

Common mistakes to avoid

• Trying a different activity every week, so nobody sees you twice.
• Waiting to be invited. Most people are waiting too.
• Chatting online for weeks without meeting. Messages are not hours together.
• Giving up after two awkward evenings. Awkward is normal for the first few meetings.
• Saying no to small invitations because you are tired. Say yes more than feels natural for the first two months.

Stay safe when meeting new people

Meet in a public place the first few times, tell someone where you are going, arrange your own way home and leave whenever you want. Do not share your home address or send money to someone you have just met. On Konnectors other people only ever see an approximate distance, never your exact location, profiles can be selfie-verified, and every profile and chat has report and block.

Safety tips for meeting people →

Be patient with yourself

If it feels slow, that is because it is slow for everyone. Count invitations sent and evenings shown up to, not friends made; the friends follow the hours. In three months of one weekly activity and one invitation a week, most people have a couple of people they would happily call. That is how every friend group you have ever had started, too.

How to meet new people →Meet people in a new city →

Frequently asked questions